Been About a Year Now

This is, by far, one of my favorite pictures taken from when I was in Ireland last year (2009). Sometimes you get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of every day life that you forget to stop and take things in. Take this picture, for example. We had a limited time at this site and if I hadn't stopped to turn around, the beauty of what surrounded me would have been lost forever. Goal: pause more often to soak it in.

My blogging recently has obviously been pretty shotty, but a lot's happened in the past couple weeks:
1) Graduation, anyone? This whole spring semester had built up to that one day, that 5 seconds of walking across the stage, just to say that I'm officially done with college. That is, unless I decide to go back for grad school (which, at this point, is highly improbable). So, now...what's next?
2) I decided that I'm going to pursue my Cali dream and head west this July. July 10, to be exact. All that's left to do now is buy the one-way ticket. One way for right now, then making the trek in GYPPSY across the country (hopefully with Prissy being able to come, too). I've wanted this for two years now and it's finally approaching and I'm scared shitless. There's always a reason behind the fear, though. I've learned that if there isn't a sense of fear when you take new leaps, then there's a high probability that it's going to be mundane and predictable. I've seen my fair share of travel in the past couple years and I know that this is where I need to be at this point in my life. Taking the plunge, sink or swim time.
3) Got my first tattoo. Don't ever let one individual take control of your thoughts so much that it inhibits what you want to do. After wanting a tattoo of my Mimi's initials for 3 years, the wait was finally up. I have rid that part of myself that was tied down by another's opinion. And it was worth every second of the pain. My ode to freedom from you.
4) Moving out of the place I've called "home" the past 2 years. I've accumulated so much...stuff (mainly rocks, movies, and books)...that I'm thoroughly dreading this move out in a few weeks. But, on the other hand, I guess it'll give me something to do other than sit around and wait for work. It's been nice not having to worry about school, classes, etc., but sometimes it's good to have a little stress to keep me on track. This move out sure is starting to get to me.
5) I'm ready for the next step.

Needless to say, don't let anyone or anything hold you back from what you dream to do. Keep those you love close to your heart and let them know you're there. Always.

Wishing I were there.

Song worth a listen: Corey Stevens - It's Over

Ray.

She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters

Walk on down the hill
Through the grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain
On past the busted back
Of that old and rusted Cadillac
That sinks into this field collecting rain

Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged

Of these cutthroat busted sunsets
These cold and damp white mornings I have grown weary
If through my cracked and dusty dimestore lips
I spoke these words out loud would no one hear me

Lay your blouse across the chair
Let fall the flowers from your hair
And kiss me with that country mouth so plain
Outside the rain is tapping on the leaves
To me it sounds like they're applauding us
The quiet love we make

Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged

Well I looked my demons in the eye
Laid bare my chest said do your best destroy me
See I've been to hell and back so many times
I must admit you kinda bore me

There's a lot of things that can kill a man
There's a lot of ways to die
Yes and some already dead who walk beside you
There's a lot of things I don't understand
Why so many people lie
Well it's the hurt you hide that fuels the fires inside you

Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged

Flying in a Blue Dream

Having had my first dream of flying last night, I feel that the least I could do was jot down my thoughts. The details of the dream aren't relevant to the feeling I had when I awoke this morning. It was an odd feeling of being...lifted...elevated by something other than my own body. It was as if an imaginary force, nay, a higher power carried me through the day. As much as I try to describe it, no words come to mind to accurately depict the feeling that overcame me this morning.

Maybe I'm thinking too deeply into it, but who's to say? Could it have been my subconscious telling me that everything will whittle itself into something that works for me? Flying seemed to let me know that I'll be able to soar above the fears and uncertainties that lie ahead. Therefore, I present a fitting poem that sums up my current state of mind, by none other than the ee cummings:

you shall above all things be glad and young
For if you're young,whatever life you wear

it will become you;and if you are glad
whatever's living will yourself become.
Girlboys may nothing more than boygirls need:
i can entirely her only love

whose any mystery makes every man's
flesh put space on;and his mind take off time

that you should ever think,may god forbid
and (in his mercy) your true lover spare:
for that way knowledge lies,the foetal grave
called progress,and negation's dead undoom.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance

On Words

Your poetic flow and esoteric ways with the English language may get you far in a scholarly life, but actions, my friend, speak far louder than words. Step up and rise to the challenge you present yourself.

Glory Years in Retrospect

I don't really know how to put what has happened to me in the past semester into words, but it's sure worth a try. I'm a strong believer that the choices you make can greatly affect your future, no matter how minute the decision may seem. I've learned this past semester that small steps sometimes add up to one large step, which is exactly what is about to happen in my life. Graduation hasn't necessarily crept up on me - I've just decided to keep it in the back of my mind, unwilling to accept the reality that's approaching. Fear, more than anything, is the main factor in this conscious decision to block out one of the most monumental achievements of my life thus far. Why should I be so scared, haunted, of what's to come? I've always had a set plan for the most part, and now nothing is set in place. For roughly a year now I've been running without a plan, which has worked for the most part. So what's so different now? For the past 17 years of my life, school has provided a continual cycle where I didn't have to worry about what the next year had to offer. Now, reality: full-time job, bills, insurances, and more responsibility than I can imagine. It's safe to say that I'm not ready yet. Maybe these last couple weeks will roughen me up for the real world. Now's the time.

Now on to a side note about how even the smallest things can lead to something greater than you can wrap your head around sometimes. Think about how many people come and go in your life...how many you've met in the past week, month, year. Too many to count. But when you meet certain people, it's hard to let go. It's a feeling you just can't avoid, like that person was predestined to be in your life. I'm fortunate to have made the decisions I have; otherwise, I wouldn't be here with the people I have today. If I could, I would stretch these remaining days I have as far as possible, but that's obviously impossible. Therefore, I'm ready to make the best of them. Here's to everyone I've crossed paths with that has changed my life - even the ones who have sometimes treated me like shit. You quite possibly have changed me the most - for the greater - by testing my threshold and making me a stronger person. I thank you.

DJ Williams Projekt: Remember Me

Exotic - She's Psychotic

No matter how affordable or how often they may change their sheets, don't get drawn in by the neon glow of "vacancy" here. I was among the very, very few in my film class that had yet to see Hitchcock's Psycho (1960), which has by far been my most liked work by him. Note to self: don't ever cross paths with Norman Bates. Looks can be highly deceiving.

Primavera

I've forgotten how much I love thunderstorms in the summer. There's something in the way the flicker of lightning illuminates the dark summer sky. However much I may complain about humidity, I live for it. It's a main ingredient for summers in Virginia. So far there's only been two somewhat summery days, but I ate up every minute of them. Warmer weather just makes everyone - well, mostly everyone - eerily happy. It's as if the sun puts people in a trance, a sedated state of happiness. Maybe it's from the lack of Vitamin D in everyone's system. With that said, I'm 122% looking forward to this weekend. I guess this pointless blog is just to bash cold weather. If it's not snowing, there's no reason for temperatures below 60°. I can hear San Diego calling my name right now. I miss summer...being tan...wearing flip flops every day...tank tops & shorts...sleeping with the windows open...so on and so on.

On another note, I'm thoroughly bummed Kid Cudi isn't coming to JMU. Wale will suffice, but K Cud's flow is off the charts. Too bad people are idiots and blew the chance to see something good. Always on a hunt for new Cudder tracks. SCOTTY.

Currently on shuffle: Otis Redding. This guy's voice is absolutely extraordinary. Song worth a listen: Send Me Some Lovin'.